if it weren't for bad luck...

So…

I went shopping yesterday and found a  24" TV that  after all the rebates offered would have been a steal of a deal.

I debated for a minute before I thought; heck it’s Christmas, why not buy it and upgrade the one in the spare room for my tiny tornadoes. 

But, as my luck goes, they didn't have any in stock.

But wait!  I can have the display model!

Do I get a discount?  I ask.

Unfortunately, no.  But it’s only been on display since yesterday and it comes with the box and the warranty....

No discount.? Well that stinks…

Yeah it does stink. I agree,  especially because almost every other store in this chain offers at least 10% off the display models, but they won’t let us do that here…

Hmmm….  Well. If I don’t buy it now, I won’t buy it at all and it is Christmas and it’s a fabulous deal… Okay, I'll take the display. What the hell.  It's warrantied right?

Right! he answers again though it wasn't really a question;  And we still have the box.  Let me get the wrench to get it down for you.

That should have been my cue to run….

30 minutes later the clerk and two other accomplices are still trying to remove the TV from the shelf.   It seems one of the screws used to hold it there will not budge...

So, instead of seeing the neon sign saying WALK AWAY...  I try to help.

And damn if the screw doesn’t finally it come loose so they can commence removing it.

He chooses this moment, near on 45 minutes later, - of course - to tell me that  they mount the display models to the shelves by drilling holes in their bases.

Wait.  So the base will have holes in it?

Yes.  But not too many… 

Um... so not only do I not get a display discount, I don’t get a damage discount either?

Right. he says as they triumphantly pull the TV off the shelf; would you not think that offering display and damaged discounts would be store policy across the board?.

Well yes actually,  I would. And, I hate to tell you this late in the game because I don’t want you to hit me with that wrench, but if it’s damaged badly I won’t be taking it home with me.

Are you serious lady? He says, seriously hoping I am being sarcastic.

And then we both look at the base of the television for the first time.

And gee, it’s not only full of holes, but its full of holes that appear to have been drilled by someone who never handled a drill in their life.  They aren’t  holes as much as chewed caverns with with drill skip marks all around them AND the base itself is severely cracked around several of those caverns from tightening it onto the shelf…

So again, i inquire about a discount and again he says no…

So that means you want me to pay you full price for something that sits on a base that not only looks like it's been through a mine field, but may eventually crack in half?

Um… yes actually. It’s policy. But look! (pointing to the base with the wrench as if he were the spokes model for this brand of TV) all of the damage is in the back  so you won‘t really see it. (after which he twirls the wrench like a revolver) and you can always purchase a wall mount kit.  Besides lady, my wrists are killing me from trying to unscrew it, that has to count for something right?  (he puts the TV in my cart and starts impatiently smacking the wrench against his palm)

(I start to think he is contemplating using that wrench as a weapon and find myself beginning to feel guilty about even thinking about leaving the TV there after all the effort they spent getting it off the shelf for me… and his wrists… the poor guy… and… HEY! wait a minute! I am being manipulated into doing something I don‘t want to do.  (yes angels did suddenly sing!) Why should I be manipulated into paying full price for a broken TV?)

Ok....  No. I don’t want a broken television base that I can’t trust. 

What?! Seriously?

Yes. Seriously.  You can put it back on the shelf and sell it to the next schmuck who comes along - but if I were you I wouldn’t screw it down this time.

Wow.  I can’t believe you are going to make me put it back; he says; wringing his hands around the wrench;  I guess that’s your choice… but…

...but I wouldn’t turn my back to walk away if I don’t want to be wearing a wrench as a head ornament right?

He is taken aback because I can read his mind…

No worries pal, you can throw it as hard as you want to.   I probably would if I were you....  but, then again you also have to admit that if you were me, you wouldn’t take that TV set home either…

True enough he says, pulling the TV back out of my cart.

And I turned my back and walked away seriously hoping his aim was off.…

but the story doesn't end there.... oh no...

Disappointed, I decide to buy egg nog as a Christmas treat instead.  Not the cheap stuff mind you, but the stuff I never buy because it’s way too expensive.  And not the little container because if I am splurging I may as well get exactly what I want right? 

Well…

since karma really should have been on my side in this one, my assumption is that the clerk made a wish on that wrench instead of throwing it at me, because by the time I got home half of my wonderfully expensive egg nog had not only dispensed from the container but had leaked out of the plastic bag and onto the back seat of my car.... 

….you're a foul one, Mister Grinch, you're a nasty wasty skunk.  your heart is full of unwashed socks, your soul is full of gunk….

Mister Grinch, the three words that describe this are as follows, and I quote;

Stink!

Stank!

Stunk!





Eolist's Law

it's that time of year again

when my cable bundle price goes up...

even though i was assured via multiple english as a second language graduates my bundle price wouldn't expire until september 2013, this months bill was far higher than last months.

and i had an HDDVR box that i rarely use...
(i must be one of the few that don't find HD wonderful - i want movies to look like movies not reality)

so i unhook said box, haul it to the local cable company office and ask to trade it out for the freebie box...

ten minutes into the switch the sweetheart behind the counter looks at me and says;  I am trying very hard not to swear and/or smash something because this computer keeps telling me you are already at your limit of add on boxes, which evidently is ZERO because it will not let me add this one to your account...

no problem.  i reply;  i'm used to that.  it would be because it's my account and/or simply because it's me standing here.  nothing is ever easy for me.  you know that murphy's law thing? it was invented specifically with me in mind...

she calls someone else over and eventually they just wipe my account clean and start from square one.  job done.  i am presented with a new (old) box and told that my current promotion will now expire in february 2013...

as i am standing there thinking; damn.... i just got entirely rebooted and i expire in two months?  this too is the story of my life... she says; after you have set this box up at home you will have to call the 800 number on the back and have them "Zap" it to life for you.  remember to do that because it won't work until you do.

i thank her and go on my less than merry way...  job done.

i am half way home before i realize i was not given a remote to go with the box.  i thought about letting that one go, but halfway into that nano-second, i realized that meant i would actually have to physically move from the sofa to change the channel and reality said that was not going to happen.  damn it!  back to the cable office i went to retrieve said remote.

job done.

again.

safely back at home i hook up the new (old) box and call the number on the back.  of course the auto response just keeps telling me she can't understand my response - they must only give you twenty tries because after that i got a real person.  (must remember this for next time)

hello this is susan.  i can help you set up your new cable box.  first; is your box connected?

yes.

is it on?

yes.

great! i am now going to send a signal to it.  tell me when it turns off.

ok.

.
.
.

tell me when it turns off.

ok.

.
.
.


remember to tell me when it turns off.

i know.  and i will. but it's not turning off.

hmmm...  okay, i am going to "zap" it again. tell me when it turns off.

and;  ZAP!! BZZZZ.. CLICK... off it goes...

but sparks and smoke are simultaneously spraying out of it.

um... i don't think i sparks should be coming out of it.

HOLY SHIT!! SERIOUSLY!?!?  UNPLUG IT!!  

i already did. 

er... um... i guess i shouldn't have said it that way.  i apologize... that has never happened to me before... um... is everything else ok?

i'm giggling too hard at her horror at swearing to respond with anything other than a laughter infused yes.

she apologizes again and sets up an appointment to send a technician out with another box which she tells me HE  will set up for me.

bless her heart,  i laughed all weekend about her response and the horror it caused her...  *snigger*

yesterday the cable guy shows up with a new box, places his electronic equipment and phone on the floor and proceeds to connect it....

and plug it in.

and the box starts running through a number sequence...

over and over and over...

well that's odd, he says; in the ten years i have worked for this company, i have never ever seen a box run that sequence before.  i have no idea what it's doing but i'm going to say this box is bad too...  

another new box comes into the house...

and voila! this one works.

but his equipment box has suddenly mysteriously shut off and won't turn back on.

so he goes for his phone.

that's odd.  my phone won't work.

no.  we don't get phone reception inside the house.  nobody does. 

no. it's not that.  its.. its just not on...  my phone just shut off for no reason. and it won't turn back on... 

um.... lady...  

i really think it's not the equipment.  

its. 
your. 
house...

well i keep telling people we have ghosts...

that is so not funny.   he says.

(i wasn't trying to be funny i think to myself.  just be glad you aren't in my basement workroom where they tend to reside...)

his phone finally did turn on and function.  his equipment however, did not.

and me... i've been giggling about it ever since. 

if you can't beat it, you may as well laugh about it right?

and that's Murphy's  Eolist's Law