karma!

this morning i was wandering through a small store and overheard the clerk telling a customer - whom i will assume was his friend - the following story:

...what happened to my finger you ask? well let me tell you Jim... talk about Karma;

Saturday after spending a couple hours couped up in a car with the wife who has to constantly tell me (his voice changes for effect) 'you're going too fast' and then 'you're going too slow' and 'you missed a turn' and 'could you please stop tailgating' blah blah blah.  and, when we finally get to the park she starts in; 'you knew how much parking was going to cost and why do i never carry the right bills and how come she always has to haul out her purse to pay for for my expenses...'

yeah, i know; like she wasn't at the ball park on my dime? the ingrate...

but wait Jim! it gets better... 

so we shuffle in the park and find our seats and two minutes after we sit down she needs to pee.  of course she can't go alone because 'what if this or that or the other thing happens and besides she needs a drink.'  so, off we shuffle to the toilets where i hang around trying to convince her to use the guys toilet because you and i both know there isn't a man in the crowd who didn't pee BEFORE he found his damn seat. 

yeah, i know. and i did offer to go get her drink while she waited in line to pee but again; 'what if this or that or the other thing happens..'.

right?!? i wish it would happen sometimes too Jim... but hang on, it gets so much better...

so... finally she's in and out of the toilet and we get her drink and make it back to our seats. course all the way its bitch bitch bitch bitch...  and if you think it got better once we were in our seats oh hell no!  then she starts complaining that it looks like its going to rain....

so i dig out and pop open the umbrella.  'its too high... its too low... can the people behind us see?' so i sit there just waiting for the national anthem thinking at least i'll have 5 minutes of peace...

and finally they ask us to rise to sing and i there i am with my right hand over my heart feeling like a idiot holding a damn umbrella over her head so she doesn't get wet IF it rains, but do i get peace? no sir! she's still bitching....

and just as the music starts

WHAM! CRACK! BOOM!

 a lightening bolt hits the stadium, skips over to the stands, dances along the upper deck, skips over to the metal rod on the top of my umbrella, travels down the handle and kareens off my wedding ring.  burned the skin right off my finger! i drop the umbrella and when i look to see where its gone, there's my wife on her ass three rows down and finally she's not saying a damn thing....
 

5 comments:

  1. Aaah, blessed silence... Tho it sounds like Karma has an odd sense of humour.

    "Hey sorry man, my Karma ran over your Dogma"

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  2. Karma's a bitch.

    No, really. There was a girl in high school named Karma and she was a bitch.

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  3. Yikes! What a tale...is it true? Why do so many women think it's okay to bitch about everything? Well, it seems like if the husband isn't going to stand up for himself, Karma will!

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  4. A wonderful tale! I've retold this so many times this week, makes me chuckle =D

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