close your eyes if you're easily offended.

two days ago i had all the windows and doors open and the stereo cranked up to maximum while i was scrubbing toilets - and damn it felt good.  

then the doorbell rang;

good morning ma'am. (the guy with the three piece suit and bible says loudly indicating with a hand gesture that i might want to turn the stereo down while it starts playing George Michael's version of Don't let the Sun go down on Me)

~~~I'm growing tired and time stands still before me~~~

(geeze this guy is definitely a smoker pu!) good morning. (i say back. with my hand squarely on the big door indicating i will close it if i have to. ps: i'm not touching the stereo which is hurting my ears at the moment, but i know what this is)

~~~frozen here on the ladder of my life~~~

we're here today in your neighborhood making sure that you read your bible.

~~~ much to late to save myself from falling~~~

yes sir i do. (and no, that isn't a lie)

wonderful! now i'd just like to share this pamphlet concerning what god thinks about alternative lifestyles.

~~~i took a chance and changed your way of life~~~

what kind of alternative lifestyle do you mean? (i ask though clearly the distraught man in the drawing on the front indicates homosexuality)

well ma'am. the bible is quite clear on the subject of men lusting after men and this pamphlet explains...

(i didn't mean to cut him off - okay. i did) men lusting after men? you mean homosexuality?

~~~but you misread my meaning when i met you~~~

well, yes.  ma'am, if we could just (he proceeds to push the pamphlet toward me)

homosexuality? would that include lesbianism?

no, ma'am. this pamphlet talks about what God has to say about men lus...

(this time i did mean to cut him off) actually i'm not at all interested. 
~~~closed the door and left me blinded by the light~~~
if its only men with men that God has a problem with then i'd say He and i are just fine with my alternative lifestyle. 
(damn that was quick thinking on my part considering the fact that i never stand up to anybody)

(the look on his face is priceless. i will never forget it. he fumbled with his bible) um... i... well... (he has no idea how to respond) i guess... (he gains some composure) no problem ma'am (he's backs up) thank nice to... eh... (in his hurry to remove himself from my door he tumbles off the stoop) i'm okay... goodbye. 

probably not my proudest moment ever, 
(and forgive me if you are at the end of this thinking i have deliberately stepped on your faith and you are now taking offence - that was not my intention and you were warned)
but we all have our own sanctuary, our own life, our own voice, and our own God given right to open and/or close our door to and/or on whomever we please.  

and in my own way i did just that and took a big step forward in my life. and, somewhere out there i knew that God was giving me a very broad smile with his thumbs up.  and damn that felt good.


  1. Reading this felt good as well. :)

  2. I usually invite them in. Once they are standing dead centre of the pentagram I have drawn on the floor I start lighting candles. Then we get down to conversation. It's usually quite short.

  3. HA! I bet the look WAS priceless! George and Elton will sing you all the way to heaven, and God will give them a cheeky wink.

  4. thank you RA =)

    idifficult love that idea! i may have to try that one myself. hehehe!

    IndigoWrath i didn't realize until after he'd left just how fitting it was to have George and Elton belting out that specific song. what further proof do you need that even God has a very keen sense of humour.

  5. lol at 'we're here today in your neighbourhood making sure that you read your bible"
    too funny!
    those people are really crafty usually, every time i have ever had a smart ass question or statement they always consulted the bible for a neutralizing answer which took all the fun out of it...i am a nudist at home so if someone knocks on my door, i always answer nude, i mean, hey, it's my lady would visit me weekly and not even bat an eye she would talk to me about the bible and we would have really interesting conversations about god and life...all while i was naked! how fun! i have no shame and am going to hell but that's ok, knowing is half the battle!
    now i live in thailand and there is no people coming into the jungle to knock on my door reminding me to read the bible...i miss them so!
    excellent post love!

  6. WW, exactly! its your house. but if you want, i shall send them your way. might take them a while tho. ;)

  7. My dad (and he really knew his Bible) never let these guys in the house but he would stand out on the stoop with them and argue with them until they felt like slamming a door in his face. It was really very entertaining.

  8. Bravo! I'd certainly be proud of a moment like that :)

  9. Damn, I wish I could have been there to see the look on his face! It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood!