Victoria, darling, I didn't feel a thing...

I got up early this morning because the luck of the draw had me expecting a cable tv technician before 8am.

I had every intention of heading to the supermarket after the tech had left. . .
Even so, there I stood dumbfounded as a blonde wondering which new to me and extremely expensive Victoria’s Secret bra I should put on.

Pretty black polka dots or Boring basic beige…
hmmm… I don’t want to ruin the pretty one…
But what are you going to be doing between now and the supermarket besides waiting for someone to fix your tv…
but still, basic beige should be my choice…
yes…
no…
Oh hell, maybe I should just wear and old one…
do you know how silly you sound right now?
you are arguing with yourself about which bra to wear right before the cable man shows up! One would think you were a bored housewife…
but I am a bored housewife! I said bored, not desperate…

(giggling)

you worry too much, no wonder your hair is gray! just wear the one you like best…

Pretty black polka dots it is then…

(this was followed by a long sleeve turtle neck polo and a grandmotherly cardigan sweater just in case you are thinking I really am desperate)

So the cable tech is here for an hour before he calls another tech for help and together they decide it is the fault of my television, not their equipment. I must, on my own, find a firmware update and fix the problem myself. They let themselves out and I set out to find a firmware update via google and by golly gee there is one! It's downloadable too! Bonus!

No time like the present, I think, so I decide to download and install it. But installation takes longer than I anticipated so while I stand there waiting, I decide I may as well reroute the surround sound speaker wires. The darn things have driven me crazy since their install anyway, I mean why just dangle them ceiling to floor exposed when they can easily be routed out of sight through the wall of the storage room behind them?

Right?

Right!

I get the ladder from said storage room and wriggle it into place under the 'drop' ceiling behind the television - a major maneuver that would make even MacGyver proud - remove the ceiling tile and shove them over the wall. I then reverse my MacGyver maneuver and bring the ladder into the storage room and position it in front of the utility shelving which i have to stand on to route the wires down the wall behind it toward a small hole in the wall.

The hole had already been drilled between two of the utility shelves for the cable wire and though I will need to move boxes of paint, crouch between two shelves and search through insulation to find it, i’m feeling quite smart about not having to drill another hole.

Voila! The wires go through the hole in a smarter than MacGyver fashion, no duct tape involved at all!

I’m feeling so confident I decide I can fix the cold air return vent too. Why not? I’m crouched down there between two shelves anyway. Of course this involves my battery operated screw driver and moving a couple more boxes but I fast manage that.

And in record time the vent is unattached and fixed without incident.

But, as I am re-attaching the vent to the wall I start to smell an odd but very strong odor. Well damn! Something is wrong with my screwdriver! I take a whif of the driver. Nope. It doesn’t smell.

I sniff the wall. Nope.

I sniff the boxes. Nothing.

What the hell?!?

My mind is now going ninety miles an hour because this is the room my ghost inhabits and, silly or no, I’m suddenly feeling like I need to get myself out of there in double speed.

I maneuver out from between the shelves and when i stand I realize my shirt has a small wet spot.

Not only is it wet, the odor seems to be radiating from that spot…

Holy shit!! What the hell is going on here!?!

My heart starts to beat at the same speed as my mind just before I drop the screwdriver into a box full of spray paint.

Spray paint!

That’s the smell!

Oh man, I must have leaned on the trigger!

Wait. It's cold. Why didn’t I feel it spraying through my shirt?

I don’t get it…

Then, my heart stopped beating all together.

And I raise my shirt realizing that I didn’t feel a thing because the can of white spray paint is male and he quite happily filled the foam liner in my Pretty black polka dotted first time ever extremely expensive and damn near new Victoria’s Secret bra.

*just knows her ghost is still down there in the store room laughing his ass off*

6 comments:

  1. Ah yes, the "but what can possibly happen between now and then?" observation. Fatal. May I laugh? A tiny bit? Thank you.

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  2. What a party pooper. Reminds me of the poltergeist Peeves in Harry Potter. Is the bra salvageable?
    Congrats on being so darn handy, though!

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  3. Props to you, Ms. Petite, for the mad wiring skills...

    and condolences on the loss of the festive bra.

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  4. Indigo, spot on! and you may laugh all you want. (i know you will anyway)

    Rebecca, the mischievous Peeves would probably be an accurate guess, but i shant tell him that... against all rules and regulations the bra was scrubbed and laundered. it's hanging in the ICU under 24 hour observation.

    CatLadyLarew, thank you. on both counts.

    my skills are self taught via waiting for the man to get around to it.

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  5. Oh no! and the day was going so well :( But at least they pesky wires will not be bothering you anymore :)

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  6. hehehe! Robbie, always looking on the bright side you are. thank you. =)

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