a matter of consonants

I went for a massage this week.

I disrobed and crawled onto the warm table face down, pulled the sheet over my back side and wriggled into a comfort zone.

But the comfort zone quick lost its luster and I wriggled into another position.

And then another.

And yet another.

Laying there unable to find a comfortable position I thought about my childhood. In particular the long rides home on an overcrowded school bus, wishing that god had given us removable arms. Suddenly i thought the same thing about my breasts and giggled out loud; enter the massage therapist who asked what had amused me.

“I was just thinking how nice it would be to be able to take off my boobs for a while.”

[she oils her hands]

Oh, I know what you mean. sometimes they are so uncomfortable!

“exactly! in the way at the worst of times.”

[she starts my massage]

I don’t know about you, but mine never seem to fit properly…
 It would be nice to find a pair that did…

I’d like, just once, to have a pair that were perfect.

[if wishes were horses]

I’m stuck with an oversized utilitarian pair that I hate…

[yep, me too]

What I really want is something cute and sexy…

[wouldn't that be nice?]

Maybe something sleek, black, and extremely pointy…

[okay wait. extremely pointy?]

That I could slip into and out of in a flash and no matter what the weather my feet would never get wet…

[designer boobs of the madonna sort!? i'll pass]

[she laughs]
Can you see me in something like that? I’d probably parade around in them like a runway model…

[oh yeah, I would too!]

Instead I’ll just have to keep the ones I have and be happy with them… sad tale of woe…

and just as I am about to remind her that surgery is always an option she adds;

But on the bright side summer is coming and I can put my boots away and just go barefoot!


  1. Ah... to be able to have interchangeable body parts would be awesome. I could get rid of all the saggy parts!

  2. Brilliant! I am constantly miss-hearing people, much to their amusment. Sometimes I wonder if I'm a little deaf, but I reakon it's just because I have playful grey matter :)

  3. Hey Eolist! I liked this, especially the moment of "wtf?". Mind you, she sounds a little strange... are you sure you want her let loose on you? Indigo

  4. Hee hee. I used to wish for bigger ones, but I'm comfortable with what I've got now, even though they don't keep my feet dry :)

  5. Indigo, actually i think i prefer the non traditional sort. ;)

    Rebecca, hehehe! oh, and; i think umbrellas are much easier to carry. =P