i don't sleep well. i sleep so badly in fact that i can tell you the exact day it was that i last slept an entire night - meaning 7 hours without waking - generally if i sleep two quality filled hours at one time i congratulate the Sandman for fear he will skip me the next time round if i don't.
but last night something quite odd happened [despite my saying screw the earplugs and the window shade and that frelling mouthpiece designed to stop me from chewing my own teeth to bits. hell, last night i even said skipped the toothbrush routine!] i slept a four hour stretch! which was followed by a three hour stretch. quite odd indeed.
so as i am standing there brushing my teeth grinning at that sad little mouthpiece in the drawer it really hits me; i slept. i slept more than two hours! more than two hours in two consecutive spaces!! in the same night!!! god bless the sandman for finding me and remembering which sand to use!
i am cheering him on when another thought strikes me quite hard; this sleep thing - it wasn't a fluke
IT WAS A MIRACLE!
and miracles, they say, are precursors to life changing events. but me? i have a habit of not listening to the wisdom of miracles - even when they have allowed me to defy death.
this morning i decided i really do need to listen.
i really do need to change things.
even if they are only tiny things at first.
i must learn to walk before i can run yes?
i didn't make the bed. something i've done every single day baring illness since 1960!
i made cappuccino and had it with cookies for breakfast.
i smiled as i stepped over the shit left here there and everywhere by the other guy.
i ignored all the; 'while i'm out having fun would you do me a favor and...' messages.
i didn't answer the phone if it was someone i didn't want to talk to.
i took myself out of the house and drove the clean car down the dirt roads.
i bought myself chocolate and ate every bit of it without remorse. i even licked the crumbs out of the wrapper.
god bless Lindt!
and i even deposited money into a savings account only i can touch.
i have no idea if the sleep will continue, but i do hope that the small changes i make will lead to bigger, and more complex, changes.
i can't be sure but i think i heard the Sandman congratulating me this time round.