apparition NOT exhaust

the second - and last time - i saw her was in early june several years ago.

my son was on the sofa after minor surgery. he'd come home from the hospital a few days before but had developed potentially dangerous complications which made constant supervision a necessity.

he'd been quietly asleep for a time and i'd finally gathered enough nerve to allow myself a bathroom break. the bathroom in our tiny house was literally four steps down the hall from the sofa but i knew once i turned in to it i would no longer be able to see him so i left the door open. at the very least i wanted to be able to hear him.

as fast and as silently as i could i went about my business, flushed and washed my hands. i'd not heard him stir but i was still un-nerved about leaving him alone so i grabbed the towel from the hook thinking i could dry my hands with him in my view.

i stepped out of the bathroom with the towel.

i turned toward him.

and there she was.

she was bent over him as if studying his frame, her hands hovered, palms down thumbs up, above him as if she were going to place one on his chest and one on his head.

i stopped.

i blinked.

i stood there thinking; 'get hold of yourself! you cannot possibly be seeing what you think you are!'

i closed my eyes.

i drew in a deep breath.

i let it out.

i opened my eyes.

she was still there!

i tried to blink her gone again, but she was still there.

this was not my imagination. this was real.

i wasn't certain what i was supposed to do but i was struck with a wave of fear that my son may be in danger, maybe not from her; but nevertheless i dropped the towel and took a bold step toward them.

she reacted as though she hadn't known i was there. suddenly startled, her hands drew quickly back and she turned toward me.

she looked straight at me with eyes that were not really there, her head cocked, for the longest time and then she looked back at him.

she mouthed something to him that i couldn't hear and then she vanished.

i hurried toward my son still telling myself i'd not just seen what i thought i had.

he stirred and looked at me puzzled.

"who's here?" he finally asked.

"nobody" i said.

but he wasn't convinced; "who were you talking to then?"

"i wasn't talking," i assured him. "nobody is here but you and me."

"if nobody is here then who was just talking to me?"

"i don't know."

"i know i heard her talking to me mom."

and with that i knew for certain she was not warm exhaust curling up into the cold air. i saw her. my son heard her. she was real.

i still have no idea why she was there. maybe she was simply a loving mother looking after him while i couldn't.

but that wouldn't explain why i felt a strange foreboding when i saw her would it?

then again, she wasn't there for me. if she had been i'd not have startled her and would probably have probably have heard whatever it was she said to my son.

he has no recollection of anything other than knowing she was there.

this means i will have ask these questions of her, if ever i see her again. which may explain why i haven't seen her again - some questions are best left unanswered.

related dribble:
apparition or exhaust?
i am not alone 

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