counting sheep and cutting beds...

in case you don't know who the Serta Counting Sheep are... sheeplink

the Serta Sheep are cute.  however, after sleeping trying to sleep on a Serta mattress for the past 8 months i know those little guys will NEVER lose their job...

i will spare you all the sleepless details and simply state one thing;

NEVER BUY A SERTA PERFECT SLEEPER MATTRESS!!

oh?!?

you don't believe me?!

ok...  here then are the sleepless details - don't say i didn't warn you...

i bought a king sized eurotop perfect sleeper comfort mattress during Serta's 90 Day Perfect Sleeper Comfort Challenge -  try it at home for 90 days and if FOR ANY REASON you don't like it you can bring it back NO QUESTIONS ASKED...

fourteen days later not only did i not like the mattress but my mr decided he was leaving. 

ms. petite, as you know, does not need a king sized bed - a crib would probably suffice in a pinch - so i called to ask where they wanted me to bring it when i returned it.

long story short, both the store and SERTA said i did not purchase the mattress during that promotion and after a few heated back and forths i was politely told i was; "shit out of luck."

well damn! 

i was now stuck with a mattress i didn't like in a size that threatened to swallow little old me...

two months later it actually thought it could... 

a very large sink hole formed under me...  since you cannot turn this mattress over, i flipped it end for end every few weeks...  meaning there is now a sink hole on both sides of the bed... 

and to answer your current thought bubble;  YES i AM overweight (deal with it) but 145 pound (shhhhhh) girl should not be swallowed whole by her mattress....


but wait!... because the mattress has a warranty longer than one year, back on the phone i went...

and i got nowhere...

so i tried email...

nothing...

so i finally went the route of snail mail and sent a copy to the store and the Serta Company.

did Serta contact me?  nope.

but, thankfully, the store did...

and they said if it was sinking they would replace it, BUT they would not deliver the replacement or dispose of the old one...

ok!  wonderful!  finally!!  wait! i'm stuck with an uncomfy mattress?  how does the rest of it work? 
do they come out and look at the old one to make sure i am not just weaving a story?  nope.

you take photographs and bring them to the store and and they either approve or disapprove...

here are those photographs; 

can you see the sinkhole?

no? can you see it now?

how about this time?  better?

(it may look like i am forcing the measuring tape, but i assure you i am not. the mattress is tufted)


my replacement was approved!

yay!

now comes the fun part... to get that replacement  i have to cut a 3" deep piece of the mattress out AND remove the "do not remove under penalty of law" tag (i am still waiting for the cops to show up - they must still be with Max and Roth) and bring it to the store as proof.   (sigh)

anyway, if you ever wondered what your mattress' interior might look like here you are:

marked for the cut;

 yep! it's a Serta;

 the first cut; *crocodile tears - such a waste*

 mattress guts coming out;

 what it looks like under there;

 what it looks like gone (ooh springy);

but wait!  regarding those tears and wasting things - necessity is the mother of invention and i still needed a place to sleep until i can find somebody to help me pick up the replacement right?

well, brilliance happens!

i found an old foam chair pad, carved it to fit the hole in the mattress i have to dispose of myself, wrapped it with batting, sewed it in place and flipped the mattress end for end - again...

 can you tell?

no?

would you like to buy it?   i promise to place fabric over the chair foam so it's prettier....

your answer is still no?

well then, plan on sleeping on it when next you come for a visit.  ;)

Happy Sheep Counting!!! 

ps; yes, that IS Henry  ;)   










  

free parking

i went shopping today... got nothing but a vanity plate for my jeep and a few bottles of whine wine...

which i would suppose isn't all bad...

anyway,  i strolled out into the parking lot and saw a woman trying to back into a space that her vehicle was really too big for.  but with a few back and forth tries she managed it...

ah but could she open her door and get out?

nope.

but she did try...

succeeding only in wedging her car door open against the drivers door of the car she parked next to.

i couldn't help it, i had to comment;  "a little tight?"  i asked.

"yes" she laughed; "i got into the space and now i can't get out of my car and...."  

"your door is wedged open?"  i laughed...

 "yes, and i can't get it unstuck to shut it...." and she laughed more.

"looks like it." i laughed;  "need help?"

"yes, please!"

so i pushed on the door as she pulled and together we got it to come free. 

but before she closed her door completely she said with a laugh; "good thing i don't know whose car this is huh?!?" 

"oh but you do."  i said; "it's mine."

she laughed and laughed and laughed and then shut her door.

after which i went around to the passenger side of my car, crawled over to the drivers side and saluted her as i started my engine.

yeah.  sometimes you just gotta make em squirm a little...

little boys and butterflies

my tiny tornadoes and i went to see a butterfly exhibit...

how much fun is it to go from a foot of snow to a tropical room filled with butterflies from around the world?

butterflies were free roaming and everywhere you looked.  some even landed on us.
some were gorgeous on the outside and some appeared ho hum until they spread their wings to reveal unbelievable iridescent colors...  

i pointed out this little beauty to the tiniest tornado because i thought it looked like it was wearing a super hero logo

he was enamored...

as we stood there looking at it pondering what it's powers might be a photographer with a serious camera stopped beside us...

i know she was a photographer because the lens on her camera was at least two feet long and she spent a lot of time adjusting it to get it just right...

as she was adjusting it my four year old tiny tornado saw it as an intrusion...  he looked at her lens and then looked at her and then politely said;  "excuse me.  i am looking at this butterfly right now."

she didn't flinch.  she didn't acknowledge. she just kept adjusting her lens... and we continued looking at the butterfly...

or so i thought...

because in that second between her placing her finger on the button and the noise of the shutter snapping open his little hand went up over her big fat lens and his once polite little voice said; 

"EXCUSE ME!!  I SAID I WAS LOOKING AT THIS BUTTERFLY RIGHT NOW!"


gotta love little boys... 


and me?  well i have this mental image of a prize winning photo hanging on a wall titled;  Butterfly Between Tiny Fingers. and when it shows up i am going to demand royalty fees.  because, my friends, that's how i roll...

if i go before i say...

i am working on some dribble... seriously i am but while i am doing that this Train song keeps running through my head...

and it seems appropriate that i share it with you.

am i planning on going soon? no.  but if its in my head there may be a reason i need to share it with all of you...

so i have...

enjoy :)



If I go before I say, to everyone in my ballet; let me take this chance to thank you for the dance...

If I run out of songs to sing to take your mind off everything,  just smile and sit a while with the sun on your face and remember the place we met...  take a breath and soon I bet you'll see; without you I would never be me - you are the leaves of my family tree...

And when I'm past those pearly gate, I will find some real estate where we can settle down and watch the world go round.  We'll send down all the love we got and let them know we got a spot for them to be - and it's all free...

So sing together, if you knew me from the very start... or we met last week at the grocery mart... or not at all, you are still a part.

Sing together, it's the least that I can do.

It's my final gift to you...

 

give this song a listen on Youtube

the four agreements...

i was given this book to read and its simple vision made sense to me...

maybe you've read it too?

and maybe it changed your life as i hope it will change mine...

if not these are the four simple agreements one must make with themselves to create a world of inner peace and exterior happiness. they are being placed here so i can return to them when i need to.  please feel free to do the same.


Be Impeccable With Your Word
Speak with integrity. 
Say only what you mean.
Avoid using words to speak against yourself or to gossip about others.
Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love

Don't Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you.
What others say and do is projection of their own reality and their own dream.
When you are immune to the options and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering

Don't Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. 
Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. 
With just this one agreement you can completely transform your life.

Always Do Your Best
Under any circumstance, simply do your best and you will avoid self judgment, self abuse and regret.

if it weren't for bad luck...

So…

I went shopping yesterday and found a  24" TV that  after all the rebates offered would have been a steal of a deal.

I debated for a minute before I thought; heck it’s Christmas, why not buy it and upgrade the one in the spare room for my tiny tornadoes. 

But, as my luck goes, they didn't have any in stock.

But wait!  I can have the display model!

Do I get a discount?  I ask.

Unfortunately, no.  But it’s only been on display since yesterday and it comes with the box and the warranty....

No discount.? Well that stinks…

Yeah it does stink. I agree,  especially because almost every other store in this chain offers at least 10% off the display models, but they won’t let us do that here…

Hmmm….  Well. If I don’t buy it now, I won’t buy it at all and it is Christmas and it’s a fabulous deal… Okay, I'll take the display. What the hell.  It's warrantied right?

Right! he answers again though it wasn't really a question;  And we still have the box.  Let me get the wrench to get it down for you.

That should have been my cue to run….

30 minutes later the clerk and two other accomplices are still trying to remove the TV from the shelf.   It seems one of the screws used to hold it there will not budge...

So, instead of seeing the neon sign saying WALK AWAY...  I try to help.

And damn if the screw doesn’t finally it come loose so they can commence removing it.

He chooses this moment, near on 45 minutes later, - of course - to tell me that  they mount the display models to the shelves by drilling holes in their bases.

Wait.  So the base will have holes in it?

Yes.  But not too many… 

Um... so not only do I not get a display discount, I don’t get a damage discount either?

Right. he says as they triumphantly pull the TV off the shelf; would you not think that offering display and damaged discounts would be store policy across the board?.

Well yes actually,  I would. And, I hate to tell you this late in the game because I don’t want you to hit me with that wrench, but if it’s damaged badly I won’t be taking it home with me.

Are you serious lady? He says, seriously hoping I am being sarcastic.

And then we both look at the base of the television for the first time.

And gee, it’s not only full of holes, but its full of holes that appear to have been drilled by someone who never handled a drill in their life.  They aren’t  holes as much as chewed caverns with with drill skip marks all around them AND the base itself is severely cracked around several of those caverns from tightening it onto the shelf…

So again, i inquire about a discount and again he says no…

So that means you want me to pay you full price for something that sits on a base that not only looks like it's been through a mine field, but may eventually crack in half?

Um… yes actually. It’s policy. But look! (pointing to the base with the wrench as if he were the spokes model for this brand of TV) all of the damage is in the back  so you won‘t really see it. (after which he twirls the wrench like a revolver) and you can always purchase a wall mount kit.  Besides lady, my wrists are killing me from trying to unscrew it, that has to count for something right?  (he puts the TV in my cart and starts impatiently smacking the wrench against his palm)

(I start to think he is contemplating using that wrench as a weapon and find myself beginning to feel guilty about even thinking about leaving the TV there after all the effort they spent getting it off the shelf for me… and his wrists… the poor guy… and… HEY! wait a minute! I am being manipulated into doing something I don‘t want to do.  (yes angels did suddenly sing!) Why should I be manipulated into paying full price for a broken TV?)

Ok....  No. I don’t want a broken television base that I can’t trust. 

What?! Seriously?

Yes. Seriously.  You can put it back on the shelf and sell it to the next schmuck who comes along - but if I were you I wouldn’t screw it down this time.

Wow.  I can’t believe you are going to make me put it back; he says; wringing his hands around the wrench;  I guess that’s your choice… but…

...but I wouldn’t turn my back to walk away if I don’t want to be wearing a wrench as a head ornament right?

He is taken aback because I can read his mind…

No worries pal, you can throw it as hard as you want to.   I probably would if I were you....  but, then again you also have to admit that if you were me, you wouldn’t take that TV set home either…

True enough he says, pulling the TV back out of my cart.

And I turned my back and walked away seriously hoping his aim was off.…

but the story doesn't end there.... oh no...

Disappointed, I decide to buy egg nog as a Christmas treat instead.  Not the cheap stuff mind you, but the stuff I never buy because it’s way too expensive.  And not the little container because if I am splurging I may as well get exactly what I want right? 

Well…

since karma really should have been on my side in this one, my assumption is that the clerk made a wish on that wrench instead of throwing it at me, because by the time I got home half of my wonderfully expensive egg nog had not only dispensed from the container but had leaked out of the plastic bag and onto the back seat of my car.... 

….you're a foul one, Mister Grinch, you're a nasty wasty skunk.  your heart is full of unwashed socks, your soul is full of gunk….

Mister Grinch, the three words that describe this are as follows, and I quote;

Stink!

Stank!

Stunk!